


Discretion issues

by Blackberry



Series: Behindhand [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Asexual Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, First Time, John is a Very Good Doctor, John to the Rescue, M/M, Medical Examination, Platonic Cuddling, Sex Toys, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sherlock failing to resolve sexual tension on his own, Sherlock is kind of out off it, Subdrop, Subspace, Trust, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Virgin Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:50:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1863513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackberry/pseuds/Blackberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's inexperience when it comes to his body's needs causing him trouble. John tries to help but the delicate nature of the whole thing makes it a bit difficult.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The problem shows

**Author's Note:**

> The characters do not belong to me, no copyright infringement intended. I don't make any money with this, just playing with them a bit. This applies to all chapters and all my stories.

Sherlock passed him, his walking kind of funny.

“Sherlock?”

“Yes?”

“What happened to your leg?”

“My leg?”

“No, your walking in fact. I just wanted to be discrete.”

“Uh, what could need discretion with walking.”

John rolled his eyes.

“You walk like … you eh… need some relief.”

“And if I do?” He paused. ”Why are we discussing this? This is my business.”

“OK.” John backed off, knowing exactly what Sherlock’s problem was but respecting his privacy.

 

In the early evening Sherlock got a text and fetched his coat.

“You’re coming?”

“Where are we going?”

“Crime scene.”

John reached for his upper arm, stopping him.

“Sherlock. Do you really want to go outside there like this?”

“Like what?”

“Ah….” How to say this neutrally? “Eh, your bowlegged walking style shows pretty much everybody you have a problem, especially people who know how you usually walk.”

“What?”

“I wanted to say letting people see this would be not a good idea. At least if you don’t want to get more mean nicknames.”

“Why?”

Was he really not getting this?

“As my friend I am telling you: don’t go outside like this, it will do you harm.”

“Why?”

John rubbed a hand over his brow. This was awkward. “Everybody can see you have a problem down there.” John gestured towards his own groin.

“Oh.” Was the only thing Sherlock said, looking startled. “I wasn’t aware it was this obvious. Thank you for informing me.” With that Sherlock pulled out his phone, already dialing. “Lestrade…. I can not come. Can you send me crime scene pictures and the lab results later?….. Yes, I said I would come…… The situation has changed…….. I…..”

John raised his eyebrows, wondering if Sherlock would be too honest for his own good.

“I… my doctor informed me it would be wise to stay home, for medical reasons.”

John turned around and went into the kitchen, fighting hard not to giggle. He was of course not even remotely finding the thing itself funny, but Sherlock’s way of dealing with it was kind of unique and so obvious clueless it was quite amazing.

Sherlock hung up his coat and returned to the sofa, looking quite frustrated.

John made tea.

When he placed the mug in front of Sherlock he wondered how to handle this.

“You should wear something less constricting, maybe some pajamas.”

“Right.” Sherlock stood up and fled the room. After fifteen minutes he had not come back. _Was he ashamed or taking care of it?_

John didn’t want to know and turned on the tube a bit louder than normal. The last thing he needed was hearing Sherlock.

 


	2. Bodily Functions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's view of the theme and his dealing with certain bodily functions.

The next morning Sherlock was lying on the sofa when John got ready to go to the surgery. He was a bit late and begged Sherlock to put on the kettle. He did, and he made tea. When John came out of the bathroom he saw Sherlock was still walking like the day before, maybe even worse. He stopped and tipped Sherlock’s arm to make him pay attention.

“You know, if there is a problem you either need to see a doctor…. or you need to take care of that, depends on the nature of the problem. You don’t need to tell me what you think it is, just make the decision, this will not go away by itself.”

Sherlock stared at him a bit dumbfounded.

“It usually… does.” He murmured.

John frowned but decided to leave it here, this was humiliating enough.

“Take care of whatever your body needs, OK?” He left.

 

During the day his mind returned repeatedly to Sherlock’s problem. Was it just that he needed some relief? Had he problems with his pubococcygeus muscles or was it something more sinister? He didn’t manage to put the thoughts to a rest. He packed some medical lubricants and meds for relaxation before heading home.

 

Sherlock was obviously still in pain when he came home, and wore the widest pajamas he owned. Lestrade had brought the crime scene pictures, they were spread all over the floor. Sherlock rounded them continuously, spend the evening with it in fact.

When John was about to head to his bed he gently tried to discuss the theme once more.

“Have you made a decision about seeing a doctor?”

“I don’t need a doctor.”

“Ehm, right, so you know the problem, then?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask…”

Sherlock puckered his lips, annoyed. “My body fails to manage to get rid of some waste itself.”

“You mean like in bowel movement or like in ejaculation?”

Sherlock looked unnerved.

“Both, until I took the chemical way to encourage the first, now the latter is more … of a nuisance. Why do we need to discuss this?”

“I am a doctor and I am worried this is something severe.”

“Usually this only lasts a day and then the problem solves itself over night.” Sherlock offered.

“Sorry, but I need to ask this directly. Do you think the problem is caused….”

“I know the problem is the absence of sexual activity I have decided to go with years ago. Sometimes my body rebels against this decision…. But sooner or later gets rid of the semen that it fails to absorb itself.”

“Gets rid of?”

“During sleep.”

John raised his eyebrows.

“Are you telling me you totally rely on your body to absorb unneeded sperm or on nocturnal emission if it doesn’t?”

“Eh…. Yes.” Sherlock looked at the ceiling, more unnerved, like a kid bugged about doing his homework.

“Have you never ever thought it might be a relief to help your body getting rid of… unwanted pressure?” They had never discussed the theme of Sherlock’s sexuality and John was a tiny bit curious and a lot uneasy with it.

“Not in the last eighteen years.”

“And did you just think about it then or tried it?”

“Tried, didn’t work, never tried again.”

“Well, maybe this it the point to consider it again.”

The suddenly disgusted look on Sherlock’s face showed more than clearly what he thought about that idea and that he honestly hadn’t considered it.

“When did you sleep last?”

“Tuesday night.”

“That’s three days ago…. You know to have wet dreams you actually need to sleep.”

“I don’t have _wet dreams._ ”

“Honestly? Maybe you don’t remember.”

“I had one or two when I was a teenager, but never since.”

_Was the man really saying he had managed to totally bury his sexuality and it was only his body doing some chemistry and managing by itself somehow?_

“I am not sure killing one’s sexuality is healthy.” John informed.

“Well, works for me.”

“Most of the time, maybe, but not right now. You should reconsider.”

“Are you prescribing me to masturbate?”

John blushed. Sherlock’s scientific thinking about the theme of sex was…. a shame.

“Eh… I guess so.” _What was life like without the comfort of human touch?… or cuddling?_ _Does he even know how it felt? Does he miss it? Does he even know he was missing it? But Sherlock would probably strictly divide sex and caring affection if he had them or wanted them._

“You have ever been intimate with someone?”

Sherlock hesitated. “No…. but it was a decision, not a lack of offers.”

 _Well, that was one thing at least. John_ stopped himself before asking who offered. _Uh, but he knew at least one person who offered, Irene._

“OK, you should think about trying it. Would do you good to get rid of that soon.”

“Maybe I will.”

“If you want me out, just tell me.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know, privacy maybe.”

“I have enough privacy for bowel movement, why would you think I would need more for expelling semen?”

 


	3. Discussing the theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock finally opens up a bit and answers John's questions.

The next day when John came home from work Sherlock was still walking the same, his expression had changed and showed it was getting more painful.

“Sherlock, have you slept?

“No.”

“Have you tried otherwise?”

“Didn’t work.”

So he did try. How could he help without this getting horrible.

“Do you know how …. to do it properly?”

“I asked the internet, which is quite an extensive source for themes like that.”

“You actually watched porn? Or just read a medical instruction manual?”

“I have watched several such movies during several investigations. Most of SY seemed not eager to watch those films to help me find clues, though it was originally _their_ task, especially when trying to uncover an international drug cartel, which produced porn as a cover-up. I assumed people who actually are sexually active would not be disturbed by a movie containing it in fact.”

“They were probably not disturbed. Well, most porn is just horrible and I understand some people don’t want to watch it, but…. that’s not the main reason.”

“What is it, then?”

“People get …. stimulated and they don’t want that to happen at work of course.”

“People actually come on heat watching faked orgasms?”

“You are able to distinguish between faked and real?”

“Of course, it’s quite obvious.”

“How many such films did you see?”

“Approximately 137.”

“Any amateur?”

“Of course. A quarter at least.”

“Right…. So you can watch those without ever getting aroused?”

“Yes. You can’t?”

John hesitated. Well, Sherlock had been quite honest with him with this, he should reward that with honesty, too. “Eh, depends…. Sometimes, when the film is bad and the actors overdo it I don’t, but… when it’s done good or with people who actually have feelings for each other it would be quite some work to get not aroused…. usually porn is supposed to stimulate. ”

“Really?”

“What did you think it was for?”

“Never thought about it.”

“You watched 137 porn and never thought about why people did it?”

“Why did people watch romance-films?”

“Because they want to see emotions and to be entertained?”

“I also fail to be entertained, too.”

“Let me guess, you are also neither afraid nor get startled if you watch a horror film.”

“I don’t need to answer that one, do I?”

John shook his head.

“OK, so you think you know how to do it manually. Why doesn’t it work?”

“If I knew I’d change it.” Sherlock hissed.

“First things first. Do you manage to get an erection?”

“Not really…. A bit.”

John was actually very surprised Sherlock was discussing this with him. He was so private when it came to his body’s functions or being touched it was odd. Sherlock usually had to be coerced into letting John examine cracked rips or bleeding wounds by threatening to hide his skull or throw away an experiment. John wondered if he was entrusted with this because Sherlock felt really really bad or because John was the only one who Sherlock trusted enough to actually speak to.

“Is the pain making it difficult?”

“Maybe.”

“Sherlock…. Do you understand that one of the crucial factors to get aroused is to want to get aroused?” John started the kettle, trying to do as if this was a normal conversation, to take away the awe for Sherlock.

“Eh….”

“I mean … you need to be in a mindset where you _want_ to be aroused, where you _want_ to feel, where you _want_ to concentrate on lust or how good it feels.”

“But I don’t.”

“So, no wonder you don’t even get a proper erection. That is what that kind of film is for: imagine how the person feels who is getting a blow-job… or whatever. Imagine how it would feel if it were you.”

“That’s… I am not sure I want to do that.”

“You don’t need to watch a film, just imagine it…. and enjoy that it feels good…. Let go.”

“I am not sure I can do that.”

“Knowing _you_ I understand the problem. Letting go is not anything of yours.”

“I can’t manage to let go. That’s part of the temptation of illegal substances, they do it for me.”

John understood. Maybe this was just as impossible as relaxing or sleeping for Sherlock. He was just not capable.

“Well, experiment a bit. You need to solve this for your own sake. Find out how to make it work. Did you use a lubricant?” John held out a cup of tea to the detective and Sherlock took it.

“No.” Sherlock puckered his lips in rejecting the theme.

“There is some medical stuff and some _other_ stuff in the second drawer next to the bathroom sink, use it.”

John had bought a very small vibrating toy with a remote control before coming home, and had placed it there. He didn’t know how Sherlock would react if he offered it to him directly. It was the smallest and most discrete looking thing available and he hoped it would give the man the right ideas. It was packed with detailed instruction manual for it’s multiple varieties of application examples. John had made sure it was of good quality and not the cheap rubbish with only two sentences of legally necessary notes.

Sherlock huffed his dislike but said nothing, turning back towards his case files.

John went to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope my english is not too bad for this kind of stuff.


	4. Aggravation of the situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds Sherlock in an odd condition and tries to figure out what's wrong.

John woke about three hours later, he didn’t know why but headed down to the bathroom when he found since he was awake already he might have a pee.

The door to Sherlock’s room was closed but when John entered the bathroom he heard a distressed noise from Sherlock’s bedroom, where the second door lead to Sherlock’s room.

John finished with his business and knocked on Sherlock’s door softly.

“Sherlock? Are you OK?”

No answer

“Sherlock? Do you need help?”

This time a moan was the answer and John hesitated a moment, then decided it clearly sounded like distress and opened the door.

Sherlock was spread out on his bed, fully covered, the lubricant on top of the duvet and the wrapping of the toy on the floor.

John flinched, had he misjudged the noise and Sherlock was actually masturbating? But when John dared to look at Sherlock he found his eyes were open and staring into space and he did not move at all.

Something was off.

“Sherlock?”

“Hmnnn.”

“Are you alright?”

“Hnnn.”

John decided he needed to look at Sherlock’s face and stepped closer. Sherlock looked …. lost. Certainly not like in a satisfied haze, more like in a distressed hovering state.

“Sherlock?”

No answer, Sherlock just stared blindly ahead.

“You’re alright, mate?”

Sherlock blinked, disoriented, kind of slow…. _Wait, had he taken drugs to manage to do things?_ John’s private alert switched on. He stepped closer and leaned over the detective.

“Sherlock?”

Sherlock did not react, the only thing that was visible under the duvet was his head and the upper half of his shoulders, he was wearing a shirt. John reached for his throat and carefully felt his pulse.

It was irregular and fast.

Sherlock did not threw a fit when he touched him.

“Hey, look at me.” He urged….

No response.

The doctor switched on the bedside light and carefully inspected Sherlock’s pupils.

Dilated.

_He had seen something similar to this state before… Sherlock seemed definitely drugged!_

“Sherlock, did you take something?”

“Nnn.” Sherlock managed to utter.

“Are you high?”

“Nnno.” Sherlock whispered, finally a bit coherent.

“How do you feel?” John asked.

“’uzzled….”

_Blimey, what was happening here?_

“… high… ’fraid?”

“Did you take anything? This is important, come on, be honest with me.” John was close to panic. Sherlock admitting he felt _high_ was disturbing enough, but _afraid_ was cause for panic.

Did you ingest something suspicious today?”

“No’ing. No’ing eaten…. j’st tea, water, coffee.” Sherlock whimpered.

“Are you in pain?”

“.. was… ’s gone now.”

John frowned. ”Where?”

“Where’ried simulation….” Sherlock’s voice was small and had an ashamed undertone.

John feared there was no other option than to examine Sherlock.

Dreading what he would see he carefully pulled the blanket away. The toy was lying next to Sherlock under the duvet, unused. It was a tiny three cm long and less than a centimeter wide oval device connected with a cable with a remote.

“Do you think you had an allergic reaction to something?” John’s gaze wandered downwards. Sherlock was not wearing boxers but a towel covered his groin and a pair of medical gloves lay nearby.

Sherlock shook his head, his eyes wandering dreamily through the room.

“Are you itching somewhere or is there a new aspect of pain?”

“No… jus’felt bad… ’nd now I ….. ”

John carefully lifted the towel and saw Sherlock had an medium hard erection and was clean shaven. The glans looked red and swollen, probably by too much rubbing.

“Where did it feel bad?”

“’nside…. hurt.”

“You tried to rub?…. something else?”

Sherlock nodded. “Hurt… Went on, tried t’want it t’work….. Pain ’xploded…..” he explained, sounding as if half asleep.

“I need to take a look. Spread your legs so I don’t need to touch.”

“Go’way.”

“Did you try anal stimulation?”

Sherlock’s eyes widened and he blinked, a bit alarmed or something. John assumed that was a ’no’. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Sherlock, describe that ‘high’ feeling.”

“The world …… dis’peared…. drifting… floating…. Bit like morphine…… euphoric….”

“So if this feels so good, why are you afraid.” John wondered if Sherlock was just describing how aroused felt for his heightened, accurate senses.

“B’cause….. i’s like…… ’ccidentally took …… morphine…” Sherlock’s glazed eyes tried to focus on him and now he seemed to realize he was not covered any longer. Sherlock whimpered in distress…. He was not really what could be called coherent.

“Oh, fuck…. ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really like to know what you think. Please tell me.


	5. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes an intersting diagnosis.

“Oh, fuck…. ” Something sprang into John’s mind… something he had read years ago…. About massive pain and the dump of endorphins into the bloodstream…. in combination with sex, BDSM in fact.

A girlfriend he had a few years ago had been into the stuff and he had been curious. She had given him a fact book about BDSM and related kinks. He found it quite interesting, the book was somehow very medical in it’s descriptions, nothing you would read to get aroused, but to understand and learn in detail about the mechanisms, responsibilities, dos and don’ts etc. Nevertheless, he had read the book but before they came to a state of trust where one might be ready to test it the relationship had broken up. John had the book in his room… there was something described in there someone could experience during an intense BSDM scene, or something, John didn’t remember.

He covered Sherlock again, who was now clumsily trying to cover himself.

“Cold.” He mumbled.

“Will you be OK for a minute, I need to check something.”

_Would it be faster to find the book or search the net? Net: faster, book: more reliable. Book then._

He sprinted up the stairs and found it after about two minutes within other stuff he normally would not place in a bookshelf. He browsed the index… he knew he would recognize the word even if it was not present…. _Something like star trek or quantum physics._

_Subspace, there it was._

He flipped to the pages and read the chapter.

_Dammit!_

It said: a state of mind that impairs rational thought, an altered psychological state that needs to be monitored carefully, that the experience of subspace is a major reason to do BDSM for some people, that it is a powerful and ecstatic experience, that the intense experiences of pain and pleasure can cause a response of the nervous system, which then releases epinephrine, endorphins and encephalin into the body… person might feel out-of-body, detached from reality ….

 _Great!_ …. Euphoria …. can last anywhere from hours to days….

 _Blimey!_ _Sherlock seemed to have managed to drop into subspace, without being flogged, without a partner, without realizing it and without wanting it. Great, just great! Only Sherlock could manage something like that accidentally! Dammit!_

He read on… the aftermath may require emotional support, comfort….. symptoms: deep exhaustion, drop in temperature, incoherence, un-coordination, drop makes people feel vulnerable, need to experience physical comfort… cognitive functioning may be impaired…

 _Hilarious!_ ….

Dos and don’ts: don’t leave the recipient alone!

_Shit! Great!_

He ran back down the stairs with the book in his hand and re-entered Sherlock’s room.

Sherlock had not moved, he still stared into the air like drugged out of his mind.

_He was drugged out of his mind by his own body!_

“Sherlock. I fear you managed to kick yourself right into a state that is called subspace.”

Sherlock’s eyes found him, he rolled his eyes. “Ridiculous.”

That meant Sherlock knew the word, John realized, when taking a breath to explain the term.

“You know then how BDSM works and what exactly happens in and outside of the human body during scenes?”

“O’course…. Not by having tried, though….. Subspace … usual’that needsome other kind’o’stimuli than I had… if I go’the idea right.” Sherlock murmured.

“Tell me how you feel.”

Sherlock exhaled. ”W’nt some’ing….. don’ow what , feels li’ mental hunger…. Body wantsomething.”

“Well, I guess the last is quite logical… you are aroused, your body wants relief… an orgasm probably to be precise.”

Sherlock’s face contorted in slight desperation. How had he managed to get there without wanting it and how to get out again?

“Do you feel any kind of lust or something?” John sat down on the bed.

“How does lust feel?”

That was a really good question….

“It’s an intense positive way to feel… sexual desire…. ehm…”´

“How doe’sexual desire feel?” Sherlock whispered.

“Well, maybe mental hunger is not such a bad description…. Like mental tingling… like wanting to have sex…. God, you _really_ don’t know! …. or you’re too much out of it.”

“Hmmm…. When willit stop?”

“That’s a _really_ good question….. There might be two ways…. Get rid of it fast or sleep it off.”

“I want this over… ”

“Right, you think you can manage?”

“Manage what?”

John rolled his eyes, so he could not!

“You feel kind of disconnected with your body?”

“I alwaystry t’disconnect from feeling m’body.”

“Yeah, great…. OK, I think it’s time to come back to earth.”

“Hmmm…”

“Sherlock, you need to wank now!”

“C’nt.”

“Why not.”

“D’nt w’k…. ” Sherlock seemed to get worse.

“Are you in pain?”

“J’st rose…. maybe”

“Shit.” John wondered if this needed medical intervention. But bringing Sherlock to a hospital with _this_ was out of the question. They would do more harm than good, or maybe put him in a mental ward….. or into detox. The only way then… take care of it at home. …. The next logical question was if _he_ was prepared to provide some stimuli in a medical way to end this.

“Ge’me out…”

“Get you out of what?”

“S’bspace.”

 


	6. Examination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John starts to handle the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Personal/RL- hints:
> 
> I know this might sound a bit odd, but I actually managed to drop into subspace by accident when I was about twenty.  
> When I was in a lot of pain, I tried to concentrate on other input and let myself fall into the pain to get through and it just happened. Since I didn’t know the state I panicked when I realized I felt really out of myself and wasn’t even able walk properly. It was quite an horrible experience.  
> Years later a therapist told me what had happened (in a medical way).  
> So I then started to go there intentionally when the pain was really bad by myself. Sometimes it works and I get there, sometimes it doesn’t. But I noted that when it worked the next day after that was really hard to manage, I was a wreck, and it’s still not easy to handle those days alone.  
> Another five years later I skimmed through a book about BDSM doing background reading for a paper about sexual education (yeah, I chose that one because it was more medical than anything else) and by accident I found out what subspace is and the penny dropped.  
> So this story is not as far fetched as I might look at first glance… at least not the subspace part.  
> Hope you enjoy.  
> 

“Ge’me out…”

“Get you out of what?”

“S’bspace.”

John realized Sherlock was right, he needed to be landed.

He had thought Sherlock would like the feeling of being high, but right now he sounded as if it was too much to bear.

_How to get him out fast, other than by satisfaction?_

“You’re sure?”

“Yesss.” Sherlock hissed.

“You’re aware this might need some stimuli and that means touching you….?” John asked, aware that this might be the creepiest thing he had to help Sherlock with.

Sherlock gave a tiny nod.

“Y’re a doctor, y’know how’t works.”

“I know how it works because I had sex before, not because I am a doctor!… and I have no experience with BDSM.” John provided.

“Trust you.”

John’s eyes went wide. He wondered if this was like getting a tooth filling for Sherlock.

“You are willing to follow my instructions?… do as I say?”

Another tiny nod.

John blew out his breath in slight desperation.

 _Do this fast, or try to make it a good first time? Because that’s what it was. Sherlock’s first time of sexual activity with another person._ Suddenly John felt much more afraid of the responsibility than he had been a few moments before, when he had thought of it just to solve it like a medical problem or a kind of sex education. Now there was the question of the emotional issue.

Considering what the book said aftercare was essential and Sherlock needed to be ’landed’ carefully. _How to do that with the detective?_

He might have an idea how to do this with a woman he had just sex with: being tender, exchange caresses, but with a man, or with Sherlock? No idea! Well, his instincts usually weren’t that bad, he might have no other choice than try to trust them and do whatever feels right, Sherlock seemed to do already.

“OK.” John sighed, though wishing he could do just run away. “I will just make sure you’re OK first, get used to my touch.”

He carefully felt for Sherlock’s throat and counted the pulse. Fast, thready, then rested his hand on Sherlock’s forehead for some time, just so they both get used to the touch…. Sherlock felt warm and covered in sweat.

He reached for the toy with his other hand. It had a heating function and three different modes of vibration. John switched it on and tried them. They were gentle and one was pulsating.

He would check Sherlock out roughly before trying any kind of stimulation. He reached for the gloves and put them on, flipping back the duvet only as much as needed.

He intended on checking his testicles, seeing if there was anything swollen or out of normal there that was the cause of the pain. He was not surprised to find them hard and drawn up towards the perineum. Sherlock hissed when he touched him.

“Sherlock, you need to give me some feedback here…. At least tell me if it feels bad or good and if you can stand it.”

Sherlock gulped and said nothing.

“Tell me if this hurts.”

“Sensit’ve.”

“In a hurting way or in a arousing way?”

“No’ hurting.”

John touched his cock and lifted it carefully, it looked indeed as if Sherlock had tried to wank and the skin was irritated, foreskin already drawn back.

“How does this feel?”

“No’good.” Sherlock murmured.

“Acknowledged.”

John put some lube on his thumb and gently rubbed it over the tip of the glans.

Sherlock started to tremble in a way John was taken aback. At first he thought Sherlock might be convulsing, though not a single noise left the other man.

“That feels good or bad….”

“Hmmmnn.” The sound Sherlock made did not sound as if it was too pleasant.

John decided all this asking was not good and he would need to let go the medical view of things for a moment for this to work and be not _too_ bad for Sherlock.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.


	7. Getting started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to get Sherlock into an aroused state.

He needed to make this situation a bit less divesting and more safe for Sherlock, he decided. He slowly lifted Sherlock’s knees and stuffed some pillows under them to have better access and raise the legs.

Sherlock’s gaze just continued to wander through the room, his breathing sped up a bit though.

He parted the knees as far as necessary, put the open package of lube and the toy in reach between Sherlock’s legs and sat next to them, his and Sherlock’s hips made contact, then partially and loosely covered him with the duvet. He sneaked his arm under the cover and rested his flat hand carefully over Sherlock’s navel, directly on the skin. He would do something similar with an anxious patient, not this low on the belly probably and not on naked skin, but physical contact and waiting.

Sherlock’s eyes were still meandering around the room, kind of disconnected.

“Sherlock, close your eyes.” John ordered gently.

It took some moments for it to sink in, but Sherlock did.

_How to create a mindset that could make this work?_

“I’m gonna do this so it will feel good and nice and I will get it over as fast as it will work…. you need to let me do that, OK? You need to give me control for a moment here to do that.” He realized Sherlock probably also needed a bit of a inner cinema and guidance, _that_ he could try to do.

_Although…. this was Sherlock, sharing his own fantasies with him would probably not work. For example telling him how good and arousing nice breasts in his hands would feel, seemed utterly misplaced here. Maybe it was even more important than physical stimulation to touch his mind in an arousing way._

“Concentrate on the wants of your body. Concentrate how good touch feels.”

Sherlock huffed in some kind of distress or negation when John’s hand slowly moved downwards. He firmly moved over the groin with his flat gloved hand and then rested it over the root of the penis and the junction between the scrotum for a moment.

_Just maintaining contact, nothing more for the beginning._

Probably Sherlock would also need information none else would want in such a situation.

“Have you noticed that your testicles have moved upwards with the arousal?”

Sherlock shook his head slightly. Seeming kind of anxiously waiting for what was about to happen. _Shit, this was awkward_. He needed to get his _own_ mindset into wanting to cause pleasure, too. _This would not work properly if he didn’t._

“You need to relax… Come on…. Try to get your mind empty for a moment, do not think about it… don’t analyze it, you’re too much out of it to do it properly anyway … don’t think about anything.”

John reached for his knee, trying to shake it a bit, and it was stiff as a board.

“Sherlock, relax…. tell those muscles to stop being tense.” So relaxation was a serious issue, they needed to get a grip on that first, at least a bit. ”Start with your feet… concentrate on feeling them…. you got it?… OK, now you let them get slack, let them sink into the pillows, they are heavy. ”

John saw Sherlock’s knees relax a little.

“Now, slow down your breathing and let your back sink into the mattress… as if you want to relax for sleeping.”

“Can’t.” Sherlock shook his head once more.

“You can. Just try it.” John searched for Sherlock’s hands with his free hand, dragged them one by one on his chest and uncurled the loosely closed fists, shaking first one and then the other hand by the wrists when they resisted. Sherlock managed to let his hands go slack. “Good.” John tried to talk in a low and soothing voice. “Concentrate on the sensation of the skin of your hands on your shirt, how the fabric feels under your digits…. You got that?…. OK, now feel how the pillows feel under your knee pits.”

Sherlock flinched minutely.

“What is it?”

“Feels naked.”

“You use to sleep naked, don’t you feel naked when you do that?”

“No.”

John raised his eyebrows… Being naked seemed more to be a state of mind than one of physical undress then. _Better not start asking about that or they would have a bizarre discussion immediately._

“You’re fully covered with the duvet, it’s heavy on your body and the pressure is helping you to relax, go with it.” John moved his left hand further down, turning sideways, so that he was able to reach down easier. He cupped Sherlock’s testicles and rested his own wrist lightly on his shaft. Sherlock winced. _Touching the penis in any way seemed not a good idea…. it was probably too sensitive in a bad way._

He probed further down and moved the tips of his fingers over the perineum.

Sherlock did not react. And John decided he would shut up now.

He dipped his finger into the waiting lube and stopped a moment to give it time to warm up on his fingertips before returning to the perineum. Sherlock did not react to the wet sensation and John’s fingers went to the rear opening.

He gently pressed and stroked over it and the sudden low sound Sherlock made startled him slightly.

He had concentrated on feeling his way around and on the detective’s body’s reactions, he had not really thought Sherlock would make any sound at all. The sound was much more one of pleasure than any John had heard before. He felt his face blush …. _OK, there seemed to be a possibility that this might work._

He briefly retreated to get a into a more comfortable position with easier access and lubed his fingers a bit more.

When his hand returned to gently press at the tiny opening Sherlock sucked in air in surprise.

“Wha…”

“Just relax, Sherlock… It’s fine… this fells good, really good. It will feel even better in a minute…. Just relax.”

Sherlock’s breathing quickened.

“Don’t think, Sherlock. Just do some deep breaths and concentrate on how good it feels.”

“Hmm.” Sherlock slowly moved his head from one side to the other as if in shaking his head in slow motion.

John pressed a bit more, the muscles were too tight yet to let him in.

“Relax…. you’re already halfway there, just listen to me, let me do all the work and trust me…. Come one.” He tried to coax Sherlock into relaxing while he gently massaged the sphincter muscle with his slick finger, but Sherlock clenched up even more.

 


	8. Relax and enjoy, please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally manages to make Sherlock relax a bit.

“Hey… hey…. I need you to breathe very deep for me, come on.” John put some more lube onto his index fingers and put it once more back resting on Sherlock’s anus with slight pressure. Sherlock flinched with the cold, but tried to do the next breath a bit deeper.

“That’s good, and another one, more slowly and deeper.”

John bent his middle finger and massaged the perineum first gently and then more and more firmly with the knuckle of the finger.

Sherlock inhaled deeply and slow and John felt how the muscle relaxed with the breathing.

He switched back to massaging the area around the anus and the sphincter itself with his index finger.

“Alright, you feel better now…. more relaxed ….. my touch is soft and feeling like velvet and really good… You just relax… another deep breath now…. in….. good… out …… Juust relax…..” He gently moved circles around Sherlock’s hole.

“Sherlock?…. How are you doing?” He whispered.

“Eh….” Sherlock exhaled.

“Do you feel bad any longer?”

“Nnnno.” A whisper.

“Does the touch feel bad?”

“No.”

“I’m gonna do something that will feel even better, just go with it….. and do some more deep breathing with me.”

When Sherlock switched to expecting something with tension, John continued “No, don’t tense up, you need to relax… breathe deeply, come on.”

He gently continued to knead the tight opening and felt it slightly relax once more. He would need to do the next move fast in order to continue this to be pleasurable for the other man.

“OK, and another deep breath for me… slow …. and deep…..”

When Sherlock had started to inhale and his pelvic base moved with the breathing John pushed his index finger in, passed both sphincters in one swift move.

Sherlock drew his knees further up in surprise and gulped in a mixture of pleasure and panic.

John rested his right hand on his chest and pressed down in a soothing way moving his thumb to get Sherlock’s attention and to distract him momentarily from the intrusion.

When Sherlock stopped struggling, he rubbed the detective’s upper arm in a calming way…. He held his finger inside as still as possible.

Sherlock started trembling now, apparently with the tension and the effort to stay still.

“That feels quite good, does it?” John let on. “It’s supposed to feel damn good!…. Concentrate on how it makes you wanting more…. How the pressure of lust is building up…. Take another deep breath … breathe into your lower abdomen….. it will make the whole thing even better.” John tried to instill the suggestion into his mind and wondered if it really felt pleasant. He knew the feeling was quite strange, especially if one had it for the first time, and he doubted Sherlock had ever been to a check-up before.

John started to move his finger in a light shivering motion to give the other man a bit more input.

Sherlock gave a tiny little moan in a high and surprised voice.

“That’s good. My finger is inside you right now, you realize that?” John bit his lips, wondering if his talking was doing the opposite of relaxing him and enhancing the arousal.

Sherlock moaned softly.

“This is a pleasurable experiment, isn’t it?”

Sherlock gave a tiny, hesitating nod and John found he really wanted this to be a pleasure for Sherlock.

“I’ll push in further in a second and it might make you shiver with pleasurable and stimulating sensations…. if you feel orgasm approach - feels like a pressure building up - just go with it…”

John gently and very very slowly pushed his finger in deeper, in a constant motion.

Sherlock drew in another surprised gasp.

“Sherlock? Describe how this feels!”

Sherlock panted now…. a frown on his forehead. “’ntense.”

“This is supposed to feel very good and make you want more.”

“…. ’does…”

“OK, do some more deep breathing for me, try to breath into your belly… a bit faster now.”

When Sherlock complied John reached for his cock once more and gently laid a hand over it, pressing the hand and the penis gently onto Sherlock’s stomach. He hoped the combined stimuli felt good and he needed the feedback from the shaft when he would move inside deeper…. but Sherlock tensed up immediately.

“Not good?”

Sherlock shook his head in a jerking movement.

“Alright…. ” John removed his hand away from Sherlock’s erection. “Easy. I won’t touch there again.”

He started to gently move his finger back and forth inside Sherlock. Really careful, only for millimeters at a time.

“This feels better then, does it?”

Sherlock breathed heavily now, clearly in a positive way. He seemed not really be able to perform coherent speech with this kind of sensation.

“Do you want me to touch you somewhere else?” John probed, his voice deep and slow now.

Sherlock didn’t react, so John concentrated on slowly going deeper.

He closed his eyes to find Sherlock’s prostate without putting too much pressure on it.

The moment he found it Sherlock drew a strangling breath and reached down with his hands, flailing through the air.

John paused, holding his breath, not sure if this was a good or bad. Sherlock’s hands searched for something and John tried to catch them with his free one… when Sherlock’s and his hands made contact Sherlock encircled it almost frantically with both his hands …. and drew it up to his head. The movement cause John to need to shift position to follow without dislocating his finger inside.

John was kind of astonished when Sherlock pulled the doctor’s right hand flat over his eyes and brow and pressed down with both of his own hands, his elbows high in the air.

“Are you alright?” John tensed up himself now. His position was uncomfortable and he’d need to reposition himself or he would get a cramp in his thigh within minutes. He slowly turned his hip and dragged his legs onto the bed so that he was now kneeling next to Sherlock. One hand on his head and the other one between Sherlock’s legs.

 


	9. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who gave me kudos or a comment. :)

“Are you alright?” John repeated when no answer came. Repositioning on the bed must have caused some more input for Sherlock.

The detective stayed silent but John felt his head nod and his face wet with sweat.

“Good… easy…. You’re gonna be fine…. I’ll do that again in a moment and it will feel very intense and overwhelming in a minute, just hold on and relax…..” He resumed the movement of the finger that was inside Sherlock.

Sherlock started to breathe more heavier …. now this was seeming to help arousing him at least.

“I’m carefully going in there with my finger, deeper and slowly deeper… I need you to slacken your muscles a bit more and let me in deeper.” John coaxed him into relaxing.

When he once more gently stroked over the prostate Sherlock’s breath hitched and his whole body shivered with the sensation.

“You enjoy this?”

Sherlock didn’t answer and John took that as permission to go on. If he didn’t he would have stopped him already.

He needed more lube. He carefully drew his finger back and out, Sherlock gasped.

He pushed the duvet aside to see Sherlock’s groin and dipped both his middle finger and index finger into the viscous liquid this time.

Then he pressed the middle finger against the tight little opening, because it was thicker and longer. The muscle widened to let him in, but this time he entered very very slowly, only millimeters at a time, twisting his hand slightly to make Sherlock more accustomed to the feeling and to produce more sensation.

Sherlock started to breathe faster and a short time later opened his mouth to breathe. John felt the warm exhales on his wrist and tried to drew his own attention away from that feeling, it was far to intimate. He almost giggled but bite his lip before he made any noise. _He had his finger inside Sherlock and the thing he felt was intimate was his hot breath?… Well, he was a doctor, maybe that’s why the finger wasn’t intimate._

But his hand over Sherlock’s eyes.. this was such a vulnerable and trusting gesture…. _Like he had asked for protection or for shelter and this was so much not like Sherlock at all._ The man never needed any of such things.

Even in severe pain he usually would not let anyone see desperation or hurt… but this was something else. John wondered if removing his hand from Sherlock’s head if he needed it for making him orgasm was an option.

The doctor concentrated on moving his finger in slow circular motions, to widen the sphincters, massaged them more intensely.

Sherlock visibly relaxed with the slow and not further entering movements.

John continued for minutes only carefully loosening them, using his thumb and index finger to knead from the outside.

With a distinguishable exhale something in Sherlock changed. The man closed his mouth to breathe deeper again.

John felt the muscles relax and give way and realized he might be able to push a second finger inside if he continued his ministrations for a bit. He did, slowly opening up Sherlock and hoping it felt good.

Another ten minutes later he gently pulled out his middle finger and pressed it against his index finger, trying to make them as small in diameter as possible and added more lube to them. He slowly pressed in and when he breached the anus Sherlock’s relaxed state was gone the very second he pressed in. He had planned to do it slow, but Sherlock tensed up so much he opted against it and pushed in in one steady movement.

Sherlock sucked in air in… _Surprise? Discomfort?_ John didn’t know but then Sherlock moaned, clearly in arousal and opened his mouth once again to breathe though it.

_OK, now or never._

John headed for the prostate and his fingers slid in deeper and deeper.

Sherlock hummed and when John found the almond sized lump he put gently pressure on it.

The genius detective shivered and gasped.

John started massaging it from both sides with the two fingers with tiny movements and the body under his hands flinched and moaned.

The doctor increased the pressure and pressed his thumb onto the perineum on the outside.

Sherlock gave a strangled noise and suddenly drew his knees up and together. He pressed his hands hard over John’s hand on his eyes and the shivering turned into something so intense that it almost resembled a seizure.

John went from trying to cause pleasure into alarm-mode within three seconds.

Until he realized Sherlock was starting to have an orgasm in slow-mo. He could feel Sherlock’s muscles start to clench around his finger and it got more intense by the minute.

He was a bit shocked about how intense it felt on his side. He had felt women have orgasms of course, but this was different. _Much more tight and very warm and the strength of the muscle was … sturdy._

The clenching sped up and became more intense and then Sherlock stilled, every muscle trembling with tension and clenched up.

John noted he was holding his breath.

Another three seconds later the first wave of thick white liquid spurred out of the abandoned cock and landed on the towel.

John felt the waves of contractions move the insides the other man.

Sherlock made a tiny sound in surprise.

The thick liquid continued to squirt out of him in slow waves.

John massaged a bit more firmly on the prostate and Sherlock arched his spine and gave another moaning noise, one of relief this time.

It was a long and intense orgasm and John decided to pull out with the next wave.

He carefully removed his finger two seconds later.

Sherlock exhaled slowly and his breathing still trembled with intense sensations.

The orgasm finally came to an end another few seconds later.

Suddenly Sherlock went limb under his hands, exhaling with a sight and his arms fell to the sides of his head.

John sat up straighter, moving towards Sherlock’s head. His right hand still over the other man’s forehead. He moved it up to his hairline to see his eyes. Sherlock’s eyes were closed and he seemed utterly spend.

The last thing he wanted to do was disturb the detective’s pleasure or his rest. He watched his chest and waited for him to see him breathe, it took some long seconds until he did.

He removed his right hand from Sherlock’s head and pulled off the glove from the left, ready to act whatever might happen next.

He checked Sherlock’s pulse and then saw that the man drew extremely shallow breaths. The doctor gently guided Sherlock’s legs to the side into a resting position and covered him with another fresh towel that had been on the bedside table. The used one that had caught Sherlock’s come he threw out of the bed onto the floor with the inside out glove.

Sherlock did not react to any of his ministrations. John watched his face closely for any sign of distress, but his friend seemed more relaxed than he had ever seen him before, and pretty much out of it.

 _According to the book leaving the one recovering from subspace alone was not a good idea._ _Was it a good idea to get a chair and sat down reading?.._ But John was tired, too.

 _Blimey, what a ride._ He decided to lay down beside the other man. Sherlock seemed to have lost consciousness or fallen asleep, but with Sherlock you never knew, better be prepared.

The book said: provide a time period that the receiving partner can feel safe, regain emotional equilibrium, make sure to prevent feeling abandonment and provide reminders for the partner that he is special and cared for…. and loved… well. Things that could or should happen were: talking about the events /sensations /feelings, to process the experience and caring for the physical needs of the recipient. John wondered how large the discrepancy was if there had been no intense BDSM scene before.

But for Sherlock this must have been really intense. Everything relied on definition. Intense play or scene according to the book though was something totally different. But this was Sherlock… Sherlock was hardcore with so many things and John wondered if he wanted to how long it would need until his sexuality could go hardcore, too. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Sherlock was a man of extremes, though John doubted he would ever spoil his body with any pleasure more than necessary.

But when he had taken John's hand over his eyes… that was an odd thing to do. He’d ask Sherlock about this later.

It seemed to be a very intimate or trusting thing, more intimate than touching one’s dig apparently. In a trusting way, not in a sexual way, like the need for TLC or soothing or something.

 


	10. Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John reflecting on what had just happened.

John was cold.

He fetched the second blanket from a chair nearby and laid down next to the other man. Both now each wrapped up tightly in their own duvets.

John frowned, he would need some time to digest this.

He had never been aroused by another men before and had made sure carefully to keep his mind in a professional and alerted mindset while doing this, but it had touched him somehow, he had not the fainted idea how though. He felt like he had been given the key to innermost areas of Sherlock’s mind, kind of, but he wished he would be able to read that mind and/or understand it. But this was like being shown some hidden part and being trusted with his needs. John felt warmth bloom, not a sexual thing, but a being given trust, which was a far greater gift from Sherlock than anything corporal could ever be.

The doctor knew Sherlock saw his body only as transport, ignoring it’s needs constantly. His mind’s needs on the other hand were most important, John felt he had not only touched the inside of Sherlock’s body today but the inside of his mind even more profoundly.

He realized he in fact c _ould_ get aroused by such a thing if he wanted to. _But this was Sherlock, gosh!_ And this was far to important to get horny about, this had been different to normal sex, really intense, but for John more in an emotional way.

The confidence Sherlock had given him with this was kind of overwhelming. He had not expected to be granted to go this way and this far, though he had known shortly after starting that this might be the only way to completion and relief.

 _How will Sherlock deal with this?_ Probably totally without emotion, as if John had stitched up a graze from a bullet or made him dinner, taking care of his transport where he himself was not able to do so.

John knew he should be prepared that Sherlock might handle it that way or ignore the theme totally as if nothing had happened. He decided to go with it and see what happened next.

John giggled silently about the fact that already half the world seemed to think he was intimate with Sherlock and now he had actually been, thought not in the way everyone thought.

He rolled his eyes about the absurdity of the whole thing. _Sherlock did nothing the normal way, why the hell should he wank like the average person._

Considering he had never tried having sex his extensive knowledge about it and it’s varieties was surprising, the latter was nothing new to John, he had been confronted with it in the past at several occasions. John suspected his theoretical repertoire might be larger than his own, especially when it came to the more exotic stuff.

 


	11. Aftercare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock wakes up and is a bit distraught.

John stared at the ceiling for at least an hour, musing. He couldn’t stop thinking and had problems believing it. He was in bed with a hopefully satisfied Sherlock Holmes, and he was actually the one who had caused it. He huffed in amusement and awe of the situation once more.

Sherlock made a tiny surprised noise next to him.

_Right, the man had probably not slept next to someone before and John’s presence therefore might be irritating._

Sherlock’s breathing sped up and John expected him to resurface soon.

It sped up a lot more within the next minutes. John sat up, it was getting far too fast now. _Was Sherlock stressed out?_

He sat up and kneeled next to Sherlock, digging out his face from the blankets.

“Sherlock?” He said in a soft voice.

Sherlock grew more restless and threw his head from one side to the other.

“Sherlock! Calm down, everything is fine.” John rested one hand on Sherlock’s hairline to soothe him. He was cold and covered in cold sweat.

The effect of the touch was immediate and Sherlock stilled, two breaths later his eyes blinked open. They needed several seconds to focus on John’s face.

“Hey, welcome back.” John withdrew his hand and smiled down at him.

Sherlock looked awful to be honest, dark circles under his eyes and his eyes red and swollen. His face pale and his lips rough.

“How do you feel?”

Sherlock needed almost thirty seconds before answering. Finding words was obviously hard right now, when he finally found them his voice was hoarse.

“Odd.”

“Explain.”

“Hmmm… Hangover, ’xhausted…. never fel’ this tired before.” Sherlock murmured.

“Not really surprising, feeling spend after average sex it normal, after this, I can understand you are really dead on your feet.”

“My mind feels naked.”

“Your body partially is.”

“Not what’a meant.”

“I’m used to how m’body feels like while naked … thissis different.”

“Maybe this is trust and vulnerability?”

“Possible.”

“You’re feeling panicky or afraid?” John gently probed.

Sherlock hesitated and gulped before answering.

“No…. Yes. Different than before though.”

“In what way?”

“….’dontknow.”

“That must have been quite an ordeal for a _first time_ …. I hope you were OK with me assisting the way I did.”

“Yes, thanks, couldn’t have done i’ myself.” Sherlock’s voice fainted and John sensed his breathing speed up.

“What is it?”

“Turmoil.”

“What?” Was Sherlock hinting that he was suffering from difficult emotions? “It's alright. Slow down your breathing. You’re alright.”

John did the first thing that came to his mind and placed his hand back over Sherlock’s eyes with a bit of pressure. Sherlock drew a deeper breath and relaxed a bit with exhaling.

John raised his eyebrows about the instantly comforting effect of that touch.

“Relax…. We’re all fine here.”

“Hmmm.” Sherlock exhaled.

“What do you need?”

“Hm?”

“Is there something that would make you feel better that I could do?”

“More pressure around me.”

“What?” John wasn’t sure what Sherlock needed.

“Tuck the duvetight.”

Kind of an odd request… wait, was Sherlock afraid he would fall apart?

“Sherlock, are you having problems containing your emotions?”

“No…. Nnot sure.”

“OK.” John firmly tugged the duvet under him on his far away side. Suddenly Sherlock rolled onto that side and remained with his back to John. John rested his hand on his friend’s shoulder, not sure what this all was about. Sherlock was shivering.

He pulled the duvet firmly around Sherlock’s back and tucked it in as tight as possible.

“Better?”

“Hmm….” That was definitely a yes. “Ta.” Sherlock exhaled.

John decided he himself needed a bit comfort too after this and maybe Sherlock didn’t know he needed it so the just tried. Slowly he lay down on his side, too, and covered himself with the other duvet, then spooned closer and put an arm around Sherlock’s shoulder, dragging him in tight. John held his breath, not knowing how the other man would react.

Sherlock must feel almost restrained wrapped this tight.

The effect was immediate.

All tenseness drained out of Sherlock’s body and John felt him sag slightly against him and deep into the mattress and the two wadded blankets between them. The first moment he thought Sherlock might have fallen asleep but then Sherlock whispered.

“Thank you, John.”

“You’re welcome.”

About three minutes later John felt Sherlock slip into sleep. He himself was still a bit tense but now felt he would be able to allow himself to relax, too. This way at least he would be able to knew is Sherlock was in distress firsthand and immediately.

A few minutes later he followed Sherlock into sleep.


	12. Epilogue

John woke up early in the morning and decided to spare them both the experience that Sherlock would wake up and be embarrassed about last night. So he got up and made tea and had a shower.

While going through the morning routine he decided that seeing this in an emotional way would be a mistake. This was helping Sherlock with an intimate problem, not getting involved with him. He would do it again, if asked. It was giving him a whole new set of experiences, some about medical things, some about male sexuality and some about his own. The gift of such a level of trust still amazed him.

He wondered if this was him experimenting for a moment, but the small doubt he had vaporized since it was mainly for Sherlock’s benefit and Sherlock had used him for so many tests in a bad way and this was nothing bad at all. He’d wait how Sherlock reacted and then decide how to proceed further.

 

Sherlock stood up, went to the bathroom, had tea, read the paper and there was nothing not normal about the day, which made John kind of insecure, more than he had thought possible.

 

In the late evening he finally addressed the topic, contrary to his plan to wait and see what happened.

“You haven’t said a word since I … entered your privacy, are you angry or mad at me for doing it?”

“Of course not, why would I? I feel much better and I guess I owe that to your medical skills and your expert knowledge. Thank you.”

“Oh…. Good.” John stammered, a bit lost for words. “Despite my knowledge this was not easy for me.” He managed to get out his thoughts.

“Why?” Sherlock raised his eyebrows.

“Er…”

“I don’t understand, you are a doctor, you are sexually active, what part of that was difficult? Be assured, it was also not easy for me, too. Far from it, in fact.”

“It was emotionally difficult.”

Sherlock opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped and closed his mouth again. John could see the wheels turning in his head.

When he finally spoke what he said made John frown, because it was so much out of character for a Holmes.

“The more grateful I am you decided to help me with my dilemma, then.”

John felt this was glowing with warmth and gratitude.

And that was the last they spoke about the theme for months.

John was sure the whole thing must have really been hard on Sherlock… and so new and strange and unexpected that he would need to think it through another 389 times before knowing what he thought about it. They probably needed both their time to sort it all out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a few thoughts about writing a second part/sequel in which the matter arises again some months later and we see more of Sherlock's POV. But to be honest I am not sure if this is worth a sequel.


	13. Information about a sequel

I had some real lovely feedback from several readers and I decided to write a sequel.

The first chapters of **Irritating needs** are now online.

In the beginning Sherlocks memories of the events from this story are explained, but there will follow some new experiences soon.

Thank you to all who commented, left kudos or read.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my frist try at doing this kind of stuff. To be honest, I am a bit nervous about it.  
> English isn't my native tongue, sorry for any mistakes.  
> 


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